It’s not a dirty word

Dear darling who’s been labeled with infertility,

You ARE different.

You are different because you weather the sleepless nights, plagued by your heart aching to be a parent.

You are different because you delicately balance faith & disappoint; hope & pain.

You are different because you gracefully measure genuine excitement & celebration for those around you who are pregnant & giving birth, while inconspicuously sewing up another painful tear in your heart.

You are different because while others save for & move into their first & second homes, you’re saving & paying for another fertility treatment, hoping this is the one that sticks.

You are different because you repeatedly work at loving, not hating, your body, despite it’s inability to produce what should be so natural to produce.

You are different because you juggle not capitalizing conversations around your daily pain while allowing yourself space to feel & express those feelings, in measure, with trusted people around you.

You are different because you have kindly and graciously answered the same questions 100x & heard the same suggestions 100x from 100 different people. But you sincerely love how much people care and want to fix what’s wrong.

You are different because you carry the pain of “the longing” around in your pocket all the time but you choose gratitude for what you presently have. 

You are different because you have to learn to give yourself freedoms to not go to that baby shower or that birthday party even though you truly love those parents & that child. 

You are different because despite feeling alone yourself, you give yourself away as community for others in their pain. 

You are different because every-time you walk through the baby aisle, you continue to dream about & mentally visualize your child in that cute bonnet and in those cute moccasins. No matter how many years pass, you still dream and visualize it EVERY TIME.

You are different because you know what it feels like to feel helpless so you commit to helping everyone else so they never have to feel that way themselves.

You are different because you feel the anger but you refuse to let it master you. 

You are different because you ARE a parent, even though you don’t have a physical child. Parenting is in the heart of a person more than it is in the act of producing life. 

You are different because you have mastered persistence in the process of your waiting.

You ARE different.

Not in a powerless, victim-way.

On the contrary -

In the most powerful, victorious way - you ARE different.

Embrace the victory of wearing “different” as a crown of strength and wisdom upon your head.

You’re different, my dear.

And your difference is mighty powerful in this world.