Part 2: "Can I sit with you?"

(Jonathan, here).

I believe disappointment is something that Heaven takes very seriously. I have been on a road of disappointment with not being able to become a Father, yet. It’s natural to look at God and ask why and cry and pray about it. We have had multiple people that have seen major breakthrough in people getting pregnant after their prayers, pray over us. We’ve had people with special anointings for children, pray over us. We’ve even had kids pray over us! I cant even begin to count the number of words or visions that have been given to us and spoken over us. I know Heaven is talking about it! But a real question in this type of journey is: how do you find answers when everyone you know is celebrating the one thing your heart cries out for? As a man, how do you stand in your identity and yet not be able to deliver something you’re designed to deliver and have no answers for why you can’t?

I remember a moment when I asked GOD these questions. I expected specific answers to my questions but how He answered me, though unexpected, brought me an incredible amount of peace.

God reminded me of a memory I have of when I was a kid. I was in a big Basketball game and had hurt my ankle really badly, early in the game. I wasn’t able to run or jump, which really are two of the biggest things you need to do in the game. I fell onto the bench, feeling defeated. Without hesitation or any concern for interrupting the game, my Dad got up from the bleachers and walked across the middle of the court. He got over to me, kneeled down in front of me and started taking off my shoe. I sat on the bench crying because of the pain and the disappointment of not being able to finish. My Dad pulled off my shoe and looked at my ankle. He pulled a bag out from under the bench and he started to tape it. After what felt like a lifetime, my Dad finished - looked up at me - and told me something that to this day still hits me so deeply. He said: “I am proud of you and if you can’t go back on the court and play, my love for you does not diminish and isn’t hindered.”

When I brought my questions, pain and disappointment before GOD, He reminded me of that day and told me this: “You have a race to run. If you need to take a break to rest and sit, then the only thing I ask is - can I sit with you?”

GOD showed me that despite my struggles and disappointments, He wasn’t an angry Father - commanding me to ‘go back out on the court and finish the game’. He was a kind Father who, seeing my exhaustion, feelings of defeat and my pain, wanted to sit with me on the bench. He wasn’t afraid of my emotion. He was proud of me.

That encounter with God made my feelings of disappointment, fear and resentment safe to bring to Him. He understood how I was feeling and He was ok with my process. It took away the striving to do it all so “perfectly”.

(Bree, here)

I bawled my eyes out when my husband shared this story with me.
Isn’t my husband so amazing? 💖🥰